


Saying Goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

by Joyseuphoria



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Death by a Thousand Cuts, F/M, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift - Freeform, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:49:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29219763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyseuphoria/pseuds/Joyseuphoria
Summary: Lily and Petunia’s relationship based on Taylor’s song “Death by a thousand cuts”
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Petunia Evans Dursley & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Saying Goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts. More painful than death by the cruciatus curse. Lily Evans knows that feeling better than anyone. Petunia left her because she was a witch. Snape left her because she was a Mudblood. And none of them were her fault. 

Lily still wakes up from the flashbacks she gets about the good times she and Petunia had. Those nights, she goes down to the common room and reads a book or completes her school work to distract herself because she knows there’s no point in going back to sleep. She wouldn't be able to anyways

One day in third year, when she starts dreaming about those good moments between her and Petunia with a haunted twist, she meets Sirius Black in the common room, because he experiences nightmares of his family too, and they figure out that they have a lot in common - shitty families. They have been good friends ever since. Something James was envious of. Lily got into her first fight with Snape when she was explaining her friendship with Sirius, he calls Sirius a blood traitor and Lily defends him. 

In sixth year, Sirius brings the Firewhiskey he sneaks out of Hogsmede with him whenever they meet at the common room when they can’t sleep. She gets drunk and pretends that everything is okay but she knows that it’s not enough because the morning comes and it’s all back to the way it was. Sometimes, late in the night, when the fire in the common room starts to flicker, she looks through the window, gazing into the forbidden forest, and thinks about how Petunia’s love for her died. 

She plays dress up with Marlene, Mary and Dorcas, staying up late in the night, just so she could kill her time because she knows she wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. Sometimes, she takes the long way back to the common room just so she could be alone with herself so that she can worry because she knows that her friends won’t let her worry when she’s with them. 

Once in third year she asked Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington (other students used to call him Nick or Nearly Headless Nick but she always chose to call him Sir Nicholas out of respect) if everything would be alright between her and her sister, and he had had looked at her with such sympathy that she didn’t think was possible and answered saying that he doesn’t know but that he sure did know that everything happened for the best. The way he said it made her heart fill with so much hope and warmth that she still believes it. 

What once was theirs, is no one’s now and that breaks her heart more than she cares to admit to their mother. She always sees her during the summer but resents the fact that Petunia can’t even stand the sight of her. They were not like any other pairs of sisters, they didn't speak about boys or fashion or anything, they fought, but they still manage to have small talk about the weather. They don’t share each other’s stuff like most sisters do. The only thing they share is this small town and their parents and a home, until Petunia marries Vernon Dursley. 

Petunia tells her that they were inseparable, that they are the best sisters ever and will be that forever, when they are eight. Long before she meets Snape. But their story is over, yet she keeps writing pages about their non existent relationship. 

She has taken Lily’s time, spirit, draining her emotional energy more than Snape ever could, heart, making it impossible for her to love anyone else again. Trust anyone else again. Petunia is the one who gave up on Lily, their songs, their films, everything they had together, as though Lily is a bad drug. And now all Lily does is search for any sign that indicates that they could be the same again in the ghost of their home. After all their home was a lawless land. Their parents gave up on them. They set no rules for the two. They ignore the squabbles between Petunia and Lily like they don’t exist. 

She remembers how Petunia had immediately gotten rid of her fears when she held Lily’s hand to jump over the creek to the lake near their home when she was nine. Because they had planned to. They thought that it would be a good end of Summer activity for them. But now, when Lily makes plans for them to hang out, to spend the day with Petunia so that she could rebuild their friendship again, Petunia goes ahead and breaks them, inevitably breaking her. And she succeeds, after all Lily’s plans were as thin as paper and paper cuts sting the most. Lily tries and fails to find a part of her that Petunia hadn’t taken up yet, she gave Petunia too much but it was never enough, if the way Petunia behaves is any indication. 

Lily knows she’ll be okay since she has Sirius as a brother, James as a boyfriend, and her friends Marlene, Mary, Remus, Peter and Dorcas and that they’ll never let her pretend it’s okay when it’s not. They’ll never let her feel lonely. They’ll do everything they can to lift her mood up. And she loves them all for it. But she knows that they know that no one can replace Petunia. 

But, still, at the end of the day, she’ll be alright because it’s just a thousand cuts.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you’re doing well, lovelies!!  
> Remember to take care of yourself. :)  
> <3


End file.
